Valentine’s Love Letter

14 02 2010

A Love Letter Straight from L.A. (Lower Alabama)

 Collards is green,

my dog’s name is Blue

and I’m so lucky

to have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like cornsilk

a‑flapping in the breeze.

Softer than Blue’s

and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass,

which excite me in May.

You ain’t got no scales

but I luv you anyway.

Yo’re as satisfy’n as okry

jist a‑fry’n in the pan.

Yo’re as fragrant as “snuff”

right out of the can.

You have some’a yore teeth,

for which I am proud;

I hold my head high

when we’re in a crowd.

On special occasions,

when you shave under yore arms,

well, I’m in hawg heaven,

and awed by yore charms.

Still them fellers at work,

they all want to know,

what I did to deserve

such a purdy, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape

yo’re there fer yore man,

to patch up life’s troubles

and fix what you can.

Yo’re as cute as a junebug

a‑buzzin’ overhead.

You ain’t mean like those far ants

I found in my bed.

 Cut from the best cloth

like a plaid flannel shirt,

you spark up my life

more than a fresh load of dirt.

When you hold me real tight

like a padded gunrack,

my life is complete;

Ain’t nuttin’ I lack.

Yore complexion, it’s perfection,

like the best vinyl sidin’.

despite all the years,

yore age, it keeps hidin’.

Me ‘n’ you’s like a Moon Pie

with a RC cold drank,

we go together

like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate

for Valentine’s Day;

They git it at Wal‑Mart,

it’s romantic that way.

Some men git roses

on that special day

from the cooler at Kroger.

“That’s impressive,” I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds

from a flea market booth.

“Diamonds are forever,”

they explain, suave and couth.

But for this man, honey,

these won’t do.

Cause yor’e too special,

you sweet thang you.

I got you a gift,

without taste nor odor,

more useful than diamonds…

IT’S A NEW TROLL’N MOTOR!!

Luv, from yor romeo

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