Humor with Shakespeare

2 03 2012

This week I asked my students to create a parody of Hamlet’s fourth soliloquy.

Here is the original…

To be, or not to be

To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come

Have fun reading these great humorous renditions of Shakespeare……………

To Pick or Not to Pick Soliloquy

by Ciera J.

To pick, or not to pick: that is the question:

Whether ‘tis nobler in the nose to bleed

From the edge and thickness of the human finger

Or take arms against a nose full of mucus

And by using a tissue, end it? To mine for gold;

No more; and, by mine to say we empty

The muck and the thousand natural globs

The nose is heir to, ‘tis a constipation

Of the nose to be picked. To not to pick, to pick;

To pick: perchance to empty the nose: ay, there’s the pick;

For in that emptying of the nose what gold you may find

When we have picked this mortal snot,

Must give us jewels.

Hamlet Soliloquy

by Avery F.

To fart or not to fart; that is the question

Whether it is nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of public humiliation

Or to take arms against a sea of constipation

And by opposing end a flawless reputation? To fart, to release

No more; and, by a fart to say we end,

The abdominal pain and the thousand natural diseases

That the body is heir to.

Devoutly to be wished; to fart, to release.

Ay, there’s the rub.

For in the fart of truth what stench may escape?

When I have shuffled out this precious wind

To Cross or Not to Cross

by Evan R.

To cross or not to cross: that is the question:

Whether ‘tis nobler in the body to suffer the pain of car bumpers and wheels of outrageous,burden

or to sprint across the road of troubles,

And by running end it? To run: to walk;

No more; and,by a walk to say we end,

The heartache of a thousand steel cars

That flesh is heir to. ‘tis a running

Devoutly tobe wish’d. To run: to walk;

Perchance to fall: ay, there’s the scratch

For in that walk of death what falls may come.

 To run, or not to run

by Billy F.

To run, or not to run: that is the question,

Whether ’tis colder in the feet to suffer

The ice and snow of my yard

Or to take steps against the cold of my yard

And by opposing end it? To run: to fall

No more and, by a fall to say, we end

The cold and the thousand natural cuts

That feet are heir to ’tis a consummation

Devoutly to be wish’d to walk, to fall

To lay perchance to cold, ay there’s the problem

For in the fall of death what toe fungus might infect?

When we have shuffled off these cold feet

Must we give pause? To ice

For who would bear the cold and ice of my yard

The oppresses fall and the runners win

To Move Or Not To Move

by Sophia W.

To move or not to move: that is the question:

Whether ‘tis better for the light to leave

The warmth and coziness of blanketed beds,

Or to take arms against the shining lights,

And by turning them off? To move: to freeze;

No warmth; and, by a light to say we end

The peaceful night and the thousand naturaldreams

That sleep is heir to, ‘tis a disruption

Here to be turned off. To move, to freeze;

To freeze: wake in a day: ay, there’s the rub;

For in that awakening of light, what day may come

To Text, or Not To Text

By Kaleb P.

To text, or not to text, that is the question:

Whether ‘tis nobler in the school to suffer

The yelling at you of the teacher for not,

Or to take arms against the sea of zeros,

And by opposing end them? To text, to fail;

Much more, and by a text we do fail;

Receive and loathe the thousand natural F’s

That mind is heir to, ‘tis a horrible halt

Gladly to be thought of,

To text, surely fail; Oh, there’s the F.

For in that text of dumb,

What words may come!

ToLick, or Not to Lick?

Tristan M.

To lick, or not to lick: thatis the question,

Whether ‘tis nastier on the tongue to lick

The floors and walls of your mother’s bathroom,

Or to take arms against the sea of bacteria,

And thus by disinfecting, end them? To die: to taste;

Mouth wash; and by a taste to say we enjoyed

The stomach-ache and the thousand natural tastes

That the tongue is heir to,‘tis a consumation

Devoutly to be eaten. To die,to taste;

To taste perchance to lick: ay,there’s the rum;

For in that taste of death what gags may come

When we have wiped off this nasty slime,

Must give us a taste. There’sthe respite

That makes regurgitation of solong bile;

For who would bear the licks and tastes of time,

The licker’s wrong, the vile man’sconsumly,

The pangs of stomach ulcers,the licks delay,

The sauce of office, and the spurns

That patient volatile of disgusting takes,

When he himself might his gorge take

With a solitary bottle? Who would hurdles tear,

To grunt and sweat under a tremendous burden,

But that the taste of bile after disgorge,

The despised tongue from whose born

No traveler enjoys, tastes at will,

And makes us bear those spills we have

Than fly to utters that we know not of?

Thus contents make sissies of us all;

And thus the native hug of germs revolution

Is sickened o’er the pale cast of soap,

And enterprises of great pitchand throw up

With this retard his effortsturn awry,

And lose the face of election.Coughed you now!

My fair Toothbrush! Nymph, in thy scrubbing

Be all my toothache sremembered.



One response

2 03 2012

I remember having to memorize this bit of Shakespeare in high school. That was a lot of years ago. Creative kids!!

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