~ Puns for Educated Minds ~

3 10 2013
1. A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
2. I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
3. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
4. Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
5. England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
6. I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
7. They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
8. I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.
9. I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
10. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
11. This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
12. When chemists die, apparently they barium.
13. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.
14. I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
15. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
16. We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.
17. I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
18. Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
19. When you get a bladder infection you know urine trouble.
20. Broken pencils are pretty much pointless.
21. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
22. I dropped out of the Communism class because of lousy Marx.
23. All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. As of now, it appears the police have nothing to go on.
24. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
25.Velcro – what a rip off!
26. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
27. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
28. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
29. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: “You stay here; I’ll go on a head.”
30. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”
31. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says “Dam!”
32. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, “I’ve lost my electron.” The other says “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive.”
33. Did you hear about the Yoga teacher who refused Novocain during a root canal? Her goal: transcend dental medication.
34. It is hard to use puns when talking to kleptomaniacs because they take things literally.
35. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
~ Puns for Educated Minds ~

1. A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
2. I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
3. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
4. Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
5. England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
6. I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
7. They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
8. I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
9. I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
10. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
11. This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
12. When chemists die, apparently they barium.
13. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
14. I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
15. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
16. We're going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
17. I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
18. Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
19. When you get a bladder infection you know urine trouble.
20. Broken pencils are pretty much pointless.
21. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
22. I dropped out of the Communism class because of lousy Marx.
23. All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. As of now, it appears the police have nothing to go on.
24. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
25.Velcro - what a rip off!
26. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
27. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
28. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
29. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: “You stay here; I’ll go on a head.”
30. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”
31. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says “Dam!”
32. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, “I’ve lost my electron.” The other says “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive.”
33. Did you hear about the Yoga teacher who refused Novocain during a root canal? Her goal: transcend dental medication.
34. It is hard to use puns when talking to kleptomaniacs because they take things literally.
35. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Like ·  · Share · 15815247 · 14 hours ago · 

Advertisements

Actions

Information

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: