Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
If money doesn’t grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
Why do you have to “put your two cents in” . . . but it’s only a penny for your thoughts?” Where’s that extra penny going?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway.
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose‑fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose‑fitting clothing, I wouldn’t have signed up in the first place!!!
Wouldn’t it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press ‘Ctrl Alt Delete’ and start all over?
Why is it that our children can’t read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but why do fat cells live forever?
How can you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Could someone ever get addicted to counseling? If so, how could you treat them?
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
Did Adam and Eve have navels?
Does anyone ever vanish with a trace? Or disappear in fat air instead of thin air?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
If Fed Ex and UPS merge, would they call it Fed UP?
If a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar do you believe him?
If a mute child swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, who came up with, “Quit while you’re still ahead?”
If the Energizer Bunny attacks someone, is it charged with battery?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
What did we do before the Law of Gravity was passed?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Why are we afraid of falling? Shouldn’t we be afraid of the sudden stop?
Why do airlines call flights nonstop? Don’t they all stop eventually?
Why is the alphabet in that order?
Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
You know how most packages say “Open here” What is the protocol if the package says, “Open somewhere else?”
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can’t they make the whole plane with the same substance?
How do you know when it’s time to tune your bagpipes?
What would happen if you put a slinky on the Aup@ escalator?
Where does the light go when the light goes out?
How can I stop payment on a reality check?
Is it true cannibals won’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
I you were invited to a party by a psychic…would you have to RSVP?
Why aren’t apartments called togetherments?
If a stealth bomber crashes in the woods, does it make a sound?
Have you ever stopped to think…..and forgot to start again?
What happens when you get scared half to death a second time?
When do you use a solar flashlight?
If you arrest a mime does he have the right to remain silent?
If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
Why does “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing?
Why does “fat chance” and “slim chance” mean the same thing?
Why are they called “stands” when they are made for sitting?
Why is it call “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
Doesn’t “expecting the unexpected” make the unexpected expected?
Why are a “wise man” and a “wise guy” opposites?
Why do “overlook” and “oversee” mean opposite things?
If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we use them?
Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
How come when you call a wrong number, someone is always home?
Do people in Australia call the rest of the world ‘up over’?
Does that screwdriver really belong to Philip?
Does killing time damage eternity?
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
Why is it that night falls but day breaks?